Here’s the Question

Help! I’m 18. Well, not quite, but I will be very shortly. In June. I have my entire life ahead of me. I’m going to college in the fall, and I really am not sure what I’m going to end up majoring in. I’m sure I’ll change my major twenty times. But that’s not quite the point.

Around a year ago, I felt this strange call during a few nights’ prayers. That call, as you may have guessed, was towards ministry. I can go into the details of the calling itself, but I won’t bore you or scare you with my little experiences.

Now here’s the thing. Yes, I want to make a difference in the world. Yes, I want to help the kingdom grow. Yes, I want to spread the good news. But. I don’t want to be ordained. I don’t think I could handle actually leading dozens of people in their spiritual walk. I know. God is with me, He will give me wisdom, help, everything I need. Nothing is impossible through Christ. But I just don’t think being an ordained minister is right for me.

But I want to make a difference! That’s sort of what this blog is about. I’ve made a few posts where I tried to be inspirational. Where I tried to deliver good news. But with this, I’m so scared that I’m going to say something wrong, or that people won’t listen because I don’t have the ‘training’.

I just don’t know. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

My Father

My wonderful God. My amazing God who leads me where I need to go. Takes me by the hand and pulls me along in the right direction. Comforts and consoles me along the way. Is happy when I make it there safely. Strengthens me. Enlightens me. Renews me.

Praise His name!

He is worthy of all praise. One day every knee will bow to God Almighty, and every tongue will confess that he is Holy, Holy, Holy. We will worship him eternally, and live and love with him in his Kingdom.

I can’t wait for that day. I wonder what it will be like. Eternity with the lover of my soul. Eternity with my Lord. My Jesus. Who has done so many extraordinary things in my life. Who I wish I could be more like. Who I strive to be more like. But I fail. A lot. But he doesn’t forsake me. I come running home once again, and he meets me halfway. He forgives me. No matter what I have done.

This is all so true. But I haven’t been so close lately. I need to. Have to recommit. It hurts to be away from Him. It hurts when He’s not near. I’m not someone I can be proud of when I’m not with Him. I need Him.

Oh God, you are my rock. My foundation. My redeemer. My everything. Without you I am nothing.

So here we are…

Nuisance – John Reuben

So here we are
In the same old spot
Knowing something needs to happen but our mouths are locked
Tongue tied, closed tight, sealed shut yup
I tried hard but it just wouldn’t come up
It’s on the tip of my tongue its in the front of my mind
Yet the words are still so hard to find
Finally the reality of things to come pushed me to the edge
I jumped off the cliff into the abyss as I said

I’m not trying to be a nuisance
I just think we can do better than this
That was simply my two cents
You can, you can, take it or leave it

We’re Trying – Sanctus Real

There’s a familiar progression
To the similar lives that we all lead
We’re trying hard to become someone we can’t be
You won’t find grace without honesty
Everyone wants reality so here it is
I believe that

No body is good, no body is good
We are liars and thieves
We’re destroying the peace
But we’re trying, we’re trying
We’re trying

So what are we doing. Tearing each other apart? Arguing over the simplest of things? Debating over whether or not something is right or wrong, despite the fact that it has been written down for us by a disciple or apostle, prophet or king?

I can’t understand how we can say something is ‘ok’. I can’t understand how we can tolerate something we KNOW is wrong. We just brush it off, saying that it’s ok. Well it’s not ok. Every sin is just as bad as another. We don’t tolerate murder. We don’t tolerate theft. Why do we tolerate other things? Why do we get mad when someone tries to show us the truth? We’re blind. We’re deaf. We don’t want to face the facts. But it’s time we did.

Hate the sin. Not the sinner. I don’t hate the sinners. I hate the sins. I hate how we tolerate the sins.

Maybe I shouldn’t worry about other people. I have my beliefs I suppose. They have theirs. I should just stick to my ideals.

But it just infuriates me that we would … defy God for lack of a better phrase. He told us what’s right and wrong.

The worst part is that we don’t even realize we’re doing it! We don’t realize we’re embracing sin. We don’t realize what we’re saying and doing basically makes it seem like we don’t care what God has said.

I’m not perfect. I know that.

But. It makes me want to scream and cry at the same time.

Answered Prayers, Renewed Faith

Matthew 7:7-8

7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

It’s utterly amazing when God answers prayers. Even when it’s just the smallest of things. It’s like a reinforcement of the fact that God hears us, and listens, and always answers in some way.

Sometimes our requests are simple, and the answers are even more so. For instance. I’m struggling in school right now. I’ve been praying, and will continue to do so, for God to help me with my school work. Today, I walked up to one of my teachers and asked her if I could redo some things. I believe that normally, she would have said no. But, she’s giving me a couple of weeks to finish I book I should have been done with last week, and redo some quizzes. Also today, five minutes before I have to give an after-dinner speech that I was supposed to find for Public Speaking Class, I pick up a magazine and find the perfect little speech about a kid named Billy.

Now to you this may seem silly. But I entirely believe that God stuck His hand in there today to help me out. And I can’t thank Him enough for all he’s done.

I’ve been listening for his voice more often now. And been trying to see where he is at work in my life. I have to admit. I have definitely been taking things for granted, and have been so blind. God is everywhere. He is everything. When I pick out where He is at work, and when I listen and hear His voice, I get a renewed sense of faith. When He answers my prayers, the same thing happens.

It sounds terrible that it takes that to give me new faith. But I guess that’s just the human nature..

One of my new favorite verses:

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Overcome the world. Defeated the darkness. Lifted my burdens. Healed my hurts. Cast out my demons. Loved me. Who am I, that He should do all of these things? Who are we?

Oh Father, Thank You.

God’s Fish

We’re like fish. We can’t survive outside of God (water). When we jump out, we start suffocating there on the beach, until we get back into the water.

“So, I have someone for you guys to meet.”

The man walks over to the table and pulls off the cover, revealing a fishbowl full of water with a large goldfish swimming inside. There are awes as the camera zooms in and the fish starts doing circles around the bowl.

“This is Fred. Fred’s going to help me out a little bit.”

The man sticks his hand inside the bowl and chases the fish around a bit. There are a few angry shouts, then all of the sudden the man takes the fish out of the water and places it on the table. It begins to flop on the table. Around the auditorium there are screams and cries of protest, everyone is on the edge of their seats as the fish flops closer and closer to the edge of the table. Finally the man grabs the fish again and puts it back into the water. There’s a unanimous sigh of relief.

“Don’t worry. He’s fine. Hold your breath for five seconds. Done? That’s exactly what he felt. He’s fine. And we treat these fish that help us like kings. He’s going to a nice big tank where he’ll be very very happy.”

“But did you see how you guys reacted when he was out of the water flopping around? That’s how God feels when you leave His waters.”

I think that’s one of the best analogies of God’s love for us that I’ve heard in a long time. If we were freaking out about a little fish we didn’t even know, imagine how God must feel when we are away from our natural environment: Him.

Just thought I’d share it with anyone who hasn’t heard it.